Facts About Domestic Violence

1 in 7
women in Multnomah County ages 18 to 64 are physically abused by their intimate partner each year.
1 in 5
teenagers in a serious relationship reports being hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner.
21,000
children in Multnomah County are exposed to domestic violence each year.
48%
of victims in Oregon remain in an abusive home because they do not have a safe and affordable place to live.
38%
of all domestic survivors become homeless at some point
Domestic violence is non-discriminatory — it affects people of every age, race, gender, sexual orientation, and income level.
How to support someone who has been in or is currently in an abusive relationship:
Listen to them
Tell them it’s not their fault, no matter what.
Validate whatever it is that they are feeling. Feelings around a DV relationship are varied, but they are all normal.
Offer them resources, like phone numbers or websites.
Offer to go with them to talk to someone else or just to look for more information. It will help them to know that they have such non-judgmental support from you.
Do not say antagonistic things about the abuser. In most cases, the abuser was someone your friend cared about a lot, and it may feel confusing for them to hear you talking in a harsh way about that person.
Do not tell them to leave. Abusive relationships are very complicated, and often staying in an abusive relationship may seem like the safest option for your friend. Statistics show that when people are most at risk for violence during a break-up and immediately after leaving, so help your friend to safety plan if they do decide to leave.
Myths About Domestic Violence
1
Myth:
Domestic/dating violence isn’t very common.
Fact:
In the United States, 1 in 4 teens will experience some form of dating violence, and 1 in 3 women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in her life.
2
Myth:
Domestic violence only happens in low-income families.
Fact:
Domestic violence happens in all kinds of families: rich and poor; urban; suburban and rural; in sexual minority communities; in every part of the country; and in every racial and age group.
3
Myth:
Physical violence usually happens only once or twice in a relationship.
Fact:
Most abuse happens over and over again. The violence gets more frequent and more severe over time, sometimes leading to death. 1/3 of all female murders are committed by an intimate partner.
4
Myth:
Some people’s behavior justifies or provokes being abused by their partner.
Fact:
There is no justification for abuse. Abusers often try to excuse their behavior, often through blaming the survivor or refusing to take any accountability. For example, an abuser attempts to justify his abuse by claiming he’s only violent because she’s always yelling at him. As a result, she decides to stop yelling to try to placate him. He’ll likely next attempt to justify his behavior by claiming it’s because she’s too silent, and so on.
5
Myth:
Domestic violence doesn’t have a big effect on kids.
Fact:
Domestic violence harms children even if they aren’t the target of the violence. Youth who know their moms or dads are being abused are likely to have low self-esteem and have problems trusting other people. Also, the presence of DV in the home is the greatest risk factor in predicting child abuse.
6
Myth:
Women in abusive relationships are bad moms. They harm the children by staying and inflict another kind of harm by leaving.
Fact:
Women often make decisions about staying and leaving based on what they perceive to be in their children’s best interest. The children’s experience is often central to the mom’s decision-making.
7
Myth:
Abusers lose control and can’t contain their anger.
Fact:
Most abusers are in control of their anger and violence. They make calculated decisions about who they target, when, and why.
8
Myth:
Abusers are addicted to drugs and alcohol and are only abusive when they’re using.
Fact:
Drugs and alcohol are no more present in domestic violence situations than they are anywhere else. They may make the violence worse but they are not the cause of the violence. Abusing is a choice, and the abuser is making the choice to abuse. In fact, some abusers use alcohol and drugs as an excuse to abuse their partners.
Important Points to Remember:

Assault is a choice. Substance use does not excuse this behavior.
Survivors are never at fault. Self-blame can be common, but the responsibility always lies with the person who chose to harm.
Many people are affected. About 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men experience sexual assault before age 18.
Seeking support is personal. Some survivors choose to report the assault, and some don’t. Talking to someone trusted can be helpful, regardless of reporting.
No 1 should face this experience alone. Knowing your options and resources can make a difference.
How to support someone who has been sexually assaulted:
Listen to them
Tell them it’s not their fault, no matter what.
Validate whatever it is that they are feeling. Feelings after a sexual assault are varied, but they are all normal.
Offer them resources, like phone numbers or websites.
Do not encourage them to report…list it as an option, but do not pressure them to make a report, they may not feel ready to do so. A good way to look at it from all sides is to ask them if they’d like to make a pros and cons list about reporting and not reporting.
Offer to go with them to talk to someone else, make a report (if they decide to), or just to look for more information. It will help them to know that they have such non-judgmental support from you.
Do not say antagonistic things about the attacker. In most cases, the attacker was someone close to your friend, and it may feel confusing for them to hear you talking in a harsh way about that person.
Myths About Sexual Assault
1
Myth:
People who wear short skirts, tight low-cut shirts, or other revealing clothes are at fault if they are sexually assaulted.
Fact:
The only person responsible for a sexual assault is the perpetrator. Women are taught to dress attractively, but if they do so, people blame them and might say that they are “asking for it”. Women are supposed to have the right to study and hold a job, but if they go to the library late at night and are assaulted, people might blame them again and say that they “asked for it” by being out late. No person deserves to be attacked or to have their wishes ignored. No person wants to be assaulted and lose total control of their emotional and physical well-being.
2
Myth:
Most men who rape are strangers who assault their victims in dark alleys and parks.
Fact:
Most rapes are committed by people known to the victim. The rapist could be a friend, an acquaintance, a relative, a husband, or a boyfriend. Most rapes occur indoors, often in the victim’s or rapist’s homes or in other places where the survivor feels like they should be safe.
3
Myth:
People who don’t get sexually assaulted or raped in dating relationships or marriage.
Fact:
Sexual assault and rape do happen in relationships where people are dating or married. Every person should have the right to make choices about their own bodies at all times. No means no, even if you’re in the middle of a sexual act, are naked, or have had sex with that person before.
4
Myth:
If a person doesn’t kick, scream, and fight when someone is trying to rape them, it isn’t really a rape.
Fact:
Some people do choose to use physical force to try and protect themselves from an assault and some people know that if they attempt to fight, they will be injured even more. If a person does not use physical self-defense it doesn’t mean they were giving consent. Whatever the victim does to survive an assault is the best and wisest decision.
5
Myth:
Men who rape need sex and aren’t getting it.
Fact:
Rape is an act of violence where 1 person is attempting to have power and control over the other. Rape is not about sex, it’s about power and control. In fact, the majority of rapists have regular sexual partners.
6
Myth:
I heard that women try to get revenge on men by falsely accusing them of rape
Fact:
According to the FBI, women falsely accuse men of rape about as often as people falsely report any other crime—between 1 to 2% of the time. It is such an ordeal for a woman to go through reporting an assault, having a trial, and dealing with unsupportive friends and family that women have little or nothing to gain from falsely accusing a man of rape.
7
Myth:
I heard that if a woman leads someone on sexually, there is a point when it’s not right for her to stop or turn back because he won’t be able to control himself and might be in pain.
Fact:
Anyone who is involved with someone sexually can always choose to stop at any time no matter what. Everyone has the right to be in control of their own body All the Time. A lot of people think that men and boys cannot control themselves if they get too excited, but the truth is that they can. There is no excuse for sexual assault.